No Soul

The other day I went out to eat with my family. We were too lazy to cook real food and my daughter was becoming untenable. My wife wanted to go to the closest restaurant. The closest restaurant happens to be a buffet. Is there any more decadent symbol of our disgusting age? Piles and piles of cheap garbage food all for you to eat until you’re sick. I absolutely hate buffets. I feel like we are livestock lining up at the trough to eat whatever the farmer throws our way.  Caving to our most animalistic instincts to consume and consume with no regard for ourselves or even the food.

At the behest of my family I took them. We pull up into the ragged remains of what was once a successful shopping mall, but now is replaced with cheap fast food, buffets, discount shops and a Gamestop. The feeling of desolation at this place is overwhelming, but there are no fallen buildings or dead bodies. It’s just the ruins of what was spiritually and soulfully meaningful to middle America half a century ago.

As I unbuckle my daughter’s car seat, a white minivan pulls up in the handicap space a few spots ahead of us. Out walks an obese woman with a baby in a car seat. It’s an old co-worker. I haven’t seen her in years. For the sake of this story we’ll call her Jamee. She doesn’t notice us. So I wait to say anything until we make it inside.

Before I go on about the disturbing interaction inside the restaurant, I think it is important to give you some background on Jamee. She is about ten years older than I am. Jamee and I had worked in a deli together some years back while I was in college. Everyone hated that job. I think it had killed a little bit of everyone’s soul that stepped foot in there.

Over the course of working there Jamee had confided in me many things. She had told me that she had went to get a 4 year degree, but took 7 years to fail out of college. Her husband is a recovering opiate addict. Her and her husband live with his grandmother. Her and her husband couldn’t bear children. Being on the cusp of 30 that had to be hard. Her innate mothering instincts had to be sounding the have a baby alarm.  She had mentioned wanting to adopt to fill that void. They’d been rejected multiple times over the three years I had worked there. All-in-all a horribly sad and meaningless existence. So needless to say I have always felt some empathy towards her.

Now looking back at it, she is the ultimate creation of what the current regime wants. No children, no property, no actual education, no nothing; just an empty husk to be filled with trans-fat  sugar, and lies.

Back to the buffet, as we walk in there Jamee is waiting to be seated with what looked to be a 3-4 month old, brown baby. So I said, “Hey Jamee, you finally got an adoption?”

With an almost disgusted and painful look she replied. “Yes, not what I wanted though.”

I stared at her blankly.

She continued “I wanted an older kid, but the agency couldn’t find us anyone. So, someone in my family was having trouble and I ended up with him. We got to name him and everything.” Finally some happiness in her face. “He has been a handful.” She finished as the waiter came to seat us.

After sitting down at a table near her, I witnessed her not give the baby one bit of attention. It was not in a cold way, but in a way that lacked basic maternal love. He’d cry and she’d jam a bottle in his face. You could tell she didn’t feel a connection. I was extremely taken aback. It ruined my dinner entirely. I felt so much terror. I realized that this is the world that is being manufactured for us.

We are being cast into an empty soulless waste land. There is to be no love. There is no connection to parents and children. Not love for your racial group. Nothing but consumerism. Jamee is the end result. Fat, unloving, tattooed with product labels (she has a land of lakes cheese logo tattooed to her leg). I then realized that this is our fate if we don’t stand up and do something. This is a fate worse than death.

I am always talking about the soulless wasteland of the west, but this is the first time it stared back at me with its cold, black, empty, disregard for meaning. This was the monster we all dread and even laugh at. I must say it is bleak and  horrifying to see an actual soulless person, but I have to say it has strengthened my resolve to fight against it.

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