Lower the Bar

Steel Panther are the most kickass and highest testosterone band in modern music and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise. I’ve long thought glam metal was the lowkey manliest form of music you can listen to, and Steel Panther take that to its logical conclusion. They have somehow managed to not run out of ways to write absolutely side-killing songs about degenerate sex; you’d think the well would run dry but here we are 4 albums deep and they’re still going strong. These guys are the Michelangelo of vulgar humor and I love it.

Lower the Bar kicks thing off with a badass ode to sodomy, “Goin’ in the Backdoor.” Guitar player Satchel delivers yet again with another tasty riff that you’d have to be a soyboy not to bang your head to. Vocalist Michael Starr is doing David Lee Roth better than Diamond Dave ever did, and the chorus is a gutbuster. “Goin’ in the backdoor, gettin’ in no matter what. Goin’ in the backdoor, little bit muddy but it sure ain’t shut.” You just won’t find a better song about anal sex than this.

The album is full of hilarious lyrics. I could write a novel about some of these lines. “Steal a Saturn Five and fuck an astronaut, zero G anal and weightless cumshots.” That’s some Nabakov-tier shit. I don’t know how these guys come up with this stuff but they are an absolute blessing and I love them for it. No one else in music has the balls to be as outlandishly crass as these dudes. It’s a public service they’re doing here and we should thank them for it.

To shift away from the lyrics though, I have to gush about the music here. If you’re into over the top, headbanging 80’s metal riffs, you’re in luck! Steel Panther are huge students of the glam metal game, and it shows. You can’t even call this a parody of the style; they’re just doing a new version of it and it’s amazing. Even if you don’t like their lyrics, and I don’t see how you couldn’t, you have to appreciate their musicianship and their sheer love and dedication to the art of 80’s glam.

As should be obvious by now, I love Lower the Bar and I love Steel effin’ Panther. I wouldn’t say this is their best album, though. For my money I’m going with All You Can Eat, but this one is easily their second strongest. It doesn’t have a lot of anthems like “Death to All But Metal” or “Party like Tomorrow is the End of the World,” but the songs on here are very, very strong. I can’t recommend this album enough. Unless you’re a pussy who gets offended by misogyny, in which case, get off of my blog.

Lower the Bar gets a 4.5/5 from me.

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